‘Argylle’ doesn’t make good on its potential

Argylle (2024)

Directed by Matthew Vaughn

Nine years ago, director Matthew Vaughn’s “Kingsman” was the sort of adrenaline-fueled action movie that appealed to my inner child. I had so much fun, I actually cheered in a movie theater. It’s a thing I rarely do. This year, Vaughn is back after a three-year absence to direct another spy movie, “Argylle.” That one, however, garnered significantly less cheering from me. None, to be precise.

Written not by Vaughn (as “Kingsman” and “Kick-Ass” were), but by Jason Fuchs (whose only credits are “Pan” and “Ice Age 4”), “Argylle” follows an anxiety-ridden spy novelist named Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard), who’s just finished writing her fifth “Argylle” novel. Well, almost. She’s stuck on the ending. On a train ride home to her parents’ house, she’s stopped by a real-life spy (Sam Rockwell) who tells her that her new manuscript (and what’s left to be written) might contain answers sought by a real-life ring of evildoers. This man certainly fights like a spy, Elly discovers, but can she trust him? As she gets dragged into a ever-broadening conspiracy, she begins to wonder if she can trust anyone.

The movie also contains sequences featuring Henry Cavill, John Cena, and Dua Lipa as the fictional characters in Conway’s “Argylle” novels. But it never decides exactly how much to use that fantasy world. Who can blame the filmmakers for not wanting to waste a good Henry Cavill or Dua Lipa (who was the perfect stunt casting as “impossibly hot terrorist”)? But the way it incorporates these characters (mostly Cavill’s) can be more distracting than enlightening.

But my real issue is with the real plot. It’s improbably convoluted. Writer Jason Fuchs seems to enjoy throwing in plot twists for their own sake. That’s never a worthwhile experiment. I can’t decide which ones are worse—the ones you see coming from a mile away, or the ones that are so absurd that nobody would even think to look. There’s a sense that “Argylle” the movie is being written in real-time, not unlike the novel Conway is being asked to finish under the gun. A story this batty would need to be handled a lot more carefully if it’s to be pulled off correctly. (There’s also this small thing that’s been bothering me: in the movie, it’s implied that The Beatles’ 2023 song “Now and Then” has been Elly’s favorite song for five years, which means “Argylle” is set in 2028. But there’s also a scene that clearly shows LeBron James playing for the Lakers, which would mean James plays at least until he’s 44 years old. Not out of the realm of possibility, I guess!)

Aside from the story being overly complex, the action we see on screen is also entirely unconvincing. I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire thing was filmed in front of a green screen. Or if it was the first feature-length movie created using AI-generated video. There’s almost nothing here my brain believed was actually happening. And unlike the preposterous climax of “Kingsman” (if you recall, heads exploded), I wasn’t interested enough in the movie to go along with its outlandishness. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m a different person than I was in 2015. Maybe “Kingsman” would make me roll my eyes today, too. But I don’t think so. I still appreciate fun in movies, but there’s a fine line between entertainment and mockery. “Argylle” has the look of a movie making fun of itself. And not in a good way.

3.5/10